This morning, the WhatsApp School Parent Group chat went feral, 87 missed messages before I’d sipped my morning coffee.
Tickets to the school’s biggest fundraiser of the year ‘Parent’s Night Out’ opened for purchase, and suddenly hundreds of grown adults were online at dawn, phones in hand, having a collective conniption that could rival a Taylor Swift ticket drop. I’m talking full-blown ticket frenzy.
It had been over a decade since my last Meredith ballot, and I was feeling decidedly rusty. That creeping ‘I’m going to miss out’ anxiety hit hard, like a panicked dad sprinting through an airport, clutching boarding passes and hope. But thanks to the group chat’s collective wisdom, hilarious commentary, and borderline Olympic-level coordination, I not only stayed calm but scored tickets for the whole crew before they vanished.
Turns out, I’ve still got it.
Also, it turns out, coming home extremely late to two small humans who rise with the sun?
Less triumphant.
Reflecting on group chats for this piece, I was reminded of another equally helpful one, the magic of my family group chat during lockdown. A reprieve from isolation where we swapped focaccia recipes, memes, and moral support (plus the occasional warning about puppy or dodgy Auspost scams).
Fast forward to 2025 post covid, and that same chat has morphed into a living photo album, a cousin-connector, and a grandparent-updater, all without the pressure (and danger) of posting little ones publicly. Its presence provides a comforting chaos as we all navigate life with small children and allows our matriarch to keep an eye out for when it looks like someone is about to have a nervy do.
As an online safety educator, extrovert and mum, I’m well aware of the benefits that private group chats offer over public social media. They help foster genuine connection, stronger bonds and can be a godsend as a parent. Dr Kate Mannell, Research Fellow at Deakin University’s Digital Childhoods group, nailed it when she said:
“What’s distinct about group chats is that they let us have really context-specific conversations that much better reflect the complexity of our social lives.”
However, Kate also goes on to point out that in the case of group chats,
“Everything that’s functional can be dysfunctional.”
And she’s right. While the family group chat might be your happy place, chances are, the in-law group chat might not be your partner’s cup of tea. And let’s be honest, when you’re in seven different school parent sub-groups, including one just for “Doug’s missing socks,” things can start to feel a bit ridiculous.
But then perhaps we should exercise some gratitude to be included. The only thing worse than being in a group chat you don’t want to be in, is discovering there’s one that exists specifically to not include you. I’m still 99% sure my family has a ‘Not Bec’ chat floating around somewhere ala Kourtney Kardasian, kidding. But seriously, do they?
The Double-Edged Sword of Group Chats
For Parents: The Misinformation Minefield
Parent group chats, often established with the best intentions, can sometimes become breeding grounds for misinformation, panic and gossip. A casual comment about a school policy can quickly spiral into unfounded rumors, leading to confusion and unnecessary concern.
Verifying information through official school channels before accepting or disseminating it is a good way of avoiding this. And whilst the barrage of apps like Compass, Sentral, and Seesaw aren’t always the easiest places to get your info (which could be aided by not forgetting your portal password each week) they do offer the most reliable information.
Like all online chats, it’s best to avoid engaging with a hothead or posting after your second Savvy B, when you’re certain that kid in 3B stole your child’s brand-new jumper. Group chats are also not the place to roast staff or school decisions, and definitely not the place to soft-launch your new conspiracy theory about whether the Assistant Principal is having an affair with the school council treasurer. Just as we tell children, our words matter. Teachers do find out about these things, and it can be genuinely hurtful and damaging.
For Teachers: Balancing Professionalism and Privacy
Educators use group chats to collaborate, share resources, and support each other. These chats are a valuable part of teamwork and communication within schools. That said, the constant stream of messages, especially after hours, can blur the boundaries between work and personal time. Because group chats feel more social than formal channels like email, it’s easy for a quick check-in to turn into full-blown work talk well into the evening.
For Students: Navigating Social Dynamics
Students use group chats to build friendships, stay in touch with family, and coordinate activities. But these platforms can also become spaces for exclusion, bullying, and the spread of inappropriate content. Sharing personal information, adding strangers, and circulating harmful material, like fake images or derogatory ratings, are all real concerns.
According to research from Internet Matters, 82% of parents worry their kids will be targeted in group chats. These spaces can be socially complex, especially for young people. Tone is often lost, messages misinterpreted, and mistakes made public in seconds. Many students struggle to read emotions online and find the day-to-day dynamics of group chats tough to navigate.
Think about your own use of group chats. We often give young people advice we wouldn’t follow ourselves. “Just leave the group” sounds great in theory but how often have you actually done it? Chances are, you muted it and now wear the unofficial badge of lurker (aka someone who reads everything but never replies). The social dynamics in these situations are complex and our work with children and young people need to echo this complexity and the genuine feelings they have in these spaces.
It’s not uncommon for students to wake up to hundreds of notifications. Many scan messages just to see if their name comes up. Some feel they can’t leave, even if they want to. Others report being kicked out, only to be added back in after a conversation about them has already taken place. And then there’s the heartbreak of discovering a group chat created specifically to exclude them, sometimes even named after the excluded member.
Empowering Upstanders: Actions That Feel Safe
Creating a culture where students feel empowered to act as upstanders is key to preventing harm and alerting adults when support is needed.
Young people often know the “right” answer when asked hypothetically but acting on it in real life is another story. One approach I’ve found valuable through my work with Common Sense Media is using Thinking Routines. These help students explore different responses to a scenario, consider consequences, and choose the one they’d realistically feel confident taking.
For example, replying “Hey, that’s mean” in a group chat is a clear upstander move but it might not feel safe. Instead, a student might choose to leave the group, check in privately with the person targeted, change the subject, or seek support from others before acting.
These are the kinds of conversations we need to be having, helping students understand that there’s more than one way to do the right thing, and that the best response is often the one they feel safe and confident making. In addition, the rates of retaliation in group chats are high and upstanders can quickly become the new target or victim of a pile on.
Addressing the Myth: Group Chats Are Not Beyond Oversight
A common myth is that group chats are private and beyond school or legal oversight. In reality, harmful behaviour in these chats can and should be addressed. Many students are unaware that they can report to the platform and to eSafety if they experience abuse in these spaces. Most platforms have reporting tools (check out The eSafety Guide to learn how), and serious issues can be escalated to authorities like the eSafety Commissioner and The Australian Centre to Counter Child Exploitation.
Educating students about these options reinforces accountability and the importance of respectful communication.
Fostering Open Dialogue: Strategies for Schools and Families
In the Classroom:
- Integrate digital citizenship into the curriculum
- Use real-life scenarios to spark discussion and critical thinking
- Allow students to explore all pathways to a problem, select the pathway with the best outcome for everyone and workshop ‘what does this look like in practice?’
- Provide clear guidelines for reporting inappropriate content or behaviour.
At Home:
- Model healthy digital habits and set boundaries for downtime and face to face connection.
- Participate in your child’s online world in a positive way, ask open, non-judgemental questions about what they love and what they might find challenging.
- Communicate regularly about online experiences and concerns. Reinforce help seeking behaviour ‘you won’t be in trouble, you can tell me anything, there’s nothing you could ever do to make me love you less.’
- Supervise device use and agree on safe and respectful behaviours.
By working together, educators and families can build a supportive network that promotes safe, respectful digital engagement.
👉 Check out our workshops to see how we can tackle this issue together!
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